Kids Say the Most Hilarious Things

I’ve been wanting to do a post on this for the longest time. Frankly, because the things my daughter says crack me up. She is hilarious. Most of the time she doesn’t mean to be. The things that come out of her mouth are so innocent, yet they are so funny. When you have a four year old, these verbal gems are plentiful. I’ll try to think back in time and play through the Jocelyn highlight reel. So here are just a few examples of her comedic innocence.

  • When I was a manager at Chick-fil-A, I walked through our local parade as one of the cows. The problem was, no one wanted to be the girl cow so I volunteered. No one could see my face anyway right? Upon finishing the parade, my daughter runs up to me…”Daddy! You were the girl cow! You are a sissy!”
  • Riding in the car on the way home from a trip, I hear flatulence rip from the back carseat. I whip around, “Jo was that you?!” Jo looks down at her stuffed animal cat and says, “No, it was the cat. (she looks at the cat sternly) I am not happy about this!”
  • Jo walks up to me and my wife and says, “Mommy, Daddy, I want a baby brudder.” Why she said brudder and not brother i’m not sure, I think she was trying to be cute. “Well we can’t just get a baby brother sweetheart.” “Yes we can. Lets just go to Toys ‘R Us and get one.”
  • We stopped at Chick-fil-A this past weekend on the way home from our Spartan Race, she looks up at the cashier and tells her we saw a bumper sticker that said “I pooped today.” She kinda mumbled through the whole bumper sticker part, so basically the cashier heard her exclaim with much joy, “I pooped today.”
  • Getting out of the shower, I was of course shirtless. I had shorts on. She looks at me and says, “Daddy, you have fake boobies, mommy has real boobies.”
  • I get home from work the other day, the first thing that Jo tells me is “Hannah (her cousin) likes the smell of poop.” First thing! No hi daddy! Nothing!
  • A couple weeks ago, I gave Jo a huge hug and being the uplifting, nourishing Dad that I am, I ask her, “How did you get to be so cute?” “Well I took some of Riley’s (her other cousin) cutes. He’s 7, he doesn’t need them anymore.” To be fair, Riley is a cute kid.
  • Getting ready to leave the house for work the other day, Jo runs out to me, “Daddy hold on! I got to give you some cutes!” So I took the fake cutes and put them down the collar of my shirt. I do that because I put them in my heart of course. She promptly corrects me. “NO!!! That was a chewy cute! You’re supposed to eat it!”
  • “Why does your daughter have a pad sticking out of her underwear?” ‘Nuff said.
  • My daughter likes to call bras “boobies.” Where she got this from, I don’t know. We will be walking through a department store and walk by the training bras in the kids department. “Look! Little boobies!”
  • At the Spartan Race this past weekend…”Daddy, why did it take you so long to run your race?” “Well because Daddy had to run up the mountain a lot of times.” “It didn’t take me that long, i’m faster than you.”
  • I’ve recently been obsessed with the One Man Thrill Ride on Youtube. If you haven’t watched his videos and are into fitness, check him out, he’s hilarious. Keep in mind, he is a personality so everything he does is very exaggerated. One of the things he does is flex his bicep and go MMMmmmmMMMMmmmmmPOW! So I started doing it when I was working out to be silly and make Jo laugh. Now Jo does it and it’s hilarious. Just ask her to show you her muscle and she flexes up that little python and yells MMMMMMMMMPOW! So we were at a family get together the other day because my cousins were supposed to be in town. You probably heard of them, they were in town because my cousins daughter was throwing out the first pitch with her robotic hand for the Orioles. It was all over the news. Anyway, we were eating lunch and Jo was eating beside my great aunt Shirley. Shirley is like 80, she’s old ok? She can barely hear anything. You tell her something and she’s like “huh?” and leans closer to hear you say it again. Well Jo was talking to her about something, I don’t remember what it was. Of course Shirley couldn’t hear her. “Huh?” So then I hear Jo ask her, “you wanna see my muscle?” Shirley, of course, says “huh?” and leans closer. MMMMMMMPPOOOOOWWWWW!!!! Scared Shirley half to death. HaHa!!!
    I’m sure I could think of a lot more. I need to start writing these down as they happen. I’m sure a lot of you have some funny stories from your kids! Feel free to share them in the comments! I’d love to read them! AROO!
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2 thoughts on “Kids Say the Most Hilarious Things

  1. One time I was playing with Jocelyn in our class. She wanted me to use a tiger, and she was playing with an elephant. We were talking about something, and she said her elephant had thumbs. “Elephants usually don’t have thumbs,” I joke. “Where did you get yours?” She just stops and goes, “I got them from a person.” She’s a delight to have, and she always makes me laugh!

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